I have had some strong feeling since the new Secret Lair deck was announced. I put out my Izzet Winning deck about 2 or 3 months before their deck got announced and a lot of what made that deck exciting was all the alternative win conditions. I was only in 2 colors so I didn't have the luxury of 20 different win the game cards at my disposal. Either way, I'm mad. So mad I put together a deck out of spite. My goal wasn't 20 ways to win, it was 20 ways to lose. Take That.
This wouldn't be one of those decks designed to lose the game as fast as possible, I've seen those and they're just a waste of time. Don't play those, you're just wasting everyone else's time. No, this is a deck where I pick off opponents one at a time and make them lose the game. People don't tend to like it when someone wins out of nowhere. It can make the game feel predetermined and that playing was pointless. No, I will not have this problem. Most of the “You Lose” cards are telegraphed across multiple turns. You would have to be trying pretty hard not to pay attention not to see these coming.
So what are these well telegraphed “you lose” cards? Nothing is more representative than Strixhaven Stadium. It adds one to three counters at a time and can lose just as many in a turn cycle. If I get to 10 counters I can knock out one opponent. The stadium gets worse from there since I max out at 2 counters when I attack. How about another? Hidegutsu Conquers All isn't even a creature, it's a saga. After a couple of turns it flips itself to Vessel of the All-Consuming. Even that is not enough to knock someone out. I need to make sure that thing can do 10 damage to make it worth it. Triskaidekaphobia enables some life gain and some life loss. When someone hits the magic number, he loses.
This actually led me to the real identity of the deck. I remembered Captive Audience from Ravnica Allegiance. I always wanted to hand this off to someone and watch him flounder. It's not quite “You Lose”, but going down to 4 life is practically there. The other 2 modes are just quicksand. With no cards in hand, I don't have to anticipate a ton of answers. With a small army of zombie tokens, I can finish the job. I just have to watch out for any crack back from opposing zombies. Aside from Captive Audience, I had my hook: Cards that I can give opponents that will cause them to lose the game.
These cards are rampant in Rakdos colors. They tend to offer incremental advantage or a burst of resources before backfiring on the controller. I could reap all the rewards and then hand off the hot potato to someone else. I didn't want this to become a regular donate deck but I needed to make room for some of that. I'm going to focus on ones with the most dangerous condition and not ones that cripple the ability to draw cards or play creatures or anything like that.
With all that out of the way, let's live dangerously. Demonic Pact has 3 good modes. I need not give it away immediately. If anything I really want to give it away after the Discard option gets chosen. Archfiend of the Dross is below rate as 6/6 flyer for 4 mana. The clock is short before the last oil counter is removed, and even shorter if I pass it to the player on my left. The real kicker here is the clause where opponents lose 2 when their creatures die. I don't want to be an “opponent” for long.
The next set of “You Lose” effects all share one thing in common, the graveyard. Immortal Coil turns damage into cards exiled from the graveyard. That might not sound like much, but once the graveyard is empty the owner loses. This should be dumped immediately. Next, I have Nefarious Lich. It sounds like it should be a creature card but it's actually an enchantment. It's a little cumbersome to cast, requiring 4 Black mana, but it can end someone easily. What's nice about it though, when you gain life you get to draw cards. Those could be used to fill the graveyard, but don't be fooled, give this away ASAP. It's a target for removal and once it's gone, so is the owner.
There's not just a theme with the graveyard for these cards, a lot seem to share a name, Lich. Lich's Mastery is very similar. It provides more outlets to remove cards from, besides the graveyard but is more dangerous since the enchantment leaves the field the controller dies. If someone pops off a Tranquility or Austere Command it's game over. Forbidden Crypt is a little trickier. Your graveyard becomes your library with this and just like any mill plan, once you try to draw from an empty yard, you lose. Dump this early and fire off the graveyard hate right away. Good thing the decks can run a Bojuka Bog. What I'm not doing with the deck though is adding the actual card Lich. Once I drop it my life total becomes 0. That's a big obstacle to overcome.
Those are the “You Lose” cards. They're nothing unless I can offload them. That informs the next part of the deck. I need ways to hand over these time bombs and I need them to be reliable. So that starts off the commander discussion. Zedruu, The Great Hearted was the original donate commander. It was easy for me to rule out since it doesn't include black. I'm not about to go 4 colors either, so hold your horses. I would have like to find a way to go Grixis for two reasons. The first is that it gives me access to blue. The second is that I need a Grixis deck to fill out my Make EDH Weird Again project of a deck in every color. It wasn't meant to be. I didn't have a reliable way to give away my game enders with Blue in the Command Zone. So I'm comfortably in Rakdos with the funniest little devil (Imp) at the helm.
Blim, Comedic Genius is my most reliable way to donate cards since I can cast it over and over from the command zone. It goes a step further and rewards me for giving my opponents my permanents. Reward is a bit of a stretch. It hurts opponents for having my things at the end of my turn. All he has to do is a little combat damage to an opponent. Flying makes him evasive and harder to block. He's my heavy hitter but he can't be my only way to hand out these poison pills. My deck gives me access to red, so of course I'm playing Harmless Offering. People should not trust this Eldrazi tailed cat. Fateful Handoff is great with Immortal Coil and a couple of other things too. More cards for me and I hand off a troublesome permanent. Bazaar Trader passes off stuff like Archfiend of the Dross.
I included some additional cards in the donate plan. They all work well with Blim since they open opponents up to additional damage and some come back to me for more resources later on. Coveted Jewel is already a favorite in this format. Contested Game Ball is a little less known but plays similarly. They get passed around when opponents deal damage to it's controller, more or less. I'm happy to have control of these or to let opponents fight for a little advantage here and there. It's a great opportunity to take the spotlight off of me momentarily. Alpine Guide is a little more nuanced. I play it and get the Mountain onto the field. If I pass this to an opponent not playing red nothing bad happens when it dies. On the other hand, if I pass it to an opponent who has Mountains then he has to sacrifice that land when the Guide dies. It's a sneaky form of land destruction and I'm all for it. Humble Defector taps to draw you cards which is great. The downside is that someone else gains control of the Defector. That's less of a downside here. With a little politicking, I can pass him back and forth with the same person to gain more advantage from the additional cards. The same is true for Wishclaw Talisman, a great tutor effect for the deck.
Other cards that get passed around were fun to find. Jinxed Choker piles up counters and throws damage out to the controller. I'm still at risk with it out there but it always keeps games interesting. Crown of Doom is another effect that puts a target on my opponents. The more like that the better since it will take the focus off Blim. That's great with this next card. Abyssal Persecutor keeps me from winning the game as long as I have control of it. Once I hand it off though, that's someone else's problem. I've just got to give it to the person I want to die first. I also have fan favorite Xantcha, Sleeper Agent. All I do is cast it and someone else gains control of this killer. Anyone with extra mana will pay for the damage just to soften up life totals. It's not uncommon for people to not pay for the last bit of life but at that point, I will.
With a high risk strategy like this, I need to insulate myself from the potential fallout. Looking back to the Word of the day, Lich, I have Lich's Mirror. This is a lousy get out of jail free effect. No permanents and only 20 life against 3 developed board states is essentially useless. But I'm not out and I have a chance to stabilize. Platinum Angel seems out of place in a Rakdos deck but the effect is tailored for this deck. I have cards like Kaya's Ghostform and Supernatural Stamina to protect Blim, Comedic Genius that do double duty to keep this Angel safe and sound if someone tries to remove it. Those options were both permanents but I have something more instantaneous. Stunning Reversal only resets my life total to 1 but I don't have to sacrifice my board like Lich's Mirror. The 7 extra cards will serve to help insulate myself from future threats. Unless someone is playing a Lightning Bolt.
Just because I talked about cards to keep myself safe doesn't mean I'm out of ways to knock an opponent out of the game in one fell swoop. Vorpal Sword is cheap to play and equip. Once I hit 8 mana though it can end the game if someone takes combat damage from the equipped creature. 8 mana is a lot but at least 7 mana is cheaper for Phage the Untouchabe. I'm not getting silly and playing her from anywhere other than my hand so I'm safe. Once she connects with an opponent its game over. Vraska, Scheming Gorgon extends that game ending combat damage to all of my creatures. An opponent may be able to block one or two creatures but they can't stop us all.
Before I wrap this up I have one other piece of tech worth highlighting. Those are my Ghost Quarter effects. Sounds silly, right? Wrong! The last thing I want to be staring down is a Homeward Path and have to regain control of my game ending permanents. I'm putting a lot of effort into giving these time bombs away, I'm happy to add Field of Ruin and Volatile Fault.
So what does the deck look like? Like This.
Archfiend of the Dross | Abyssal Persecutor | Harmless Offering |
Demonic Pact | Curse of Vengeance | Bazaar Trader |
Forbidden Crypt | Xancha, Sleeper Agent | Fateful Handoff |
Immortal Coil | Lich's Mirror | Crown of Doom |
Nefarious Lich | Commander's Sphere | Jinxed Choker |
Phage the Untouchable | Share of the Spoils | Coveted Jewel |
Strixhaven Stadium | Greed's Gambit | Contested Gameball |
Triskaidekaphobia | Thought Vessel | Humble Defector |
Vorpal Sword | Clackbridge Troll | Pendant of Prosperity |
Vraska, Scheming Gorgon | Stunning Reversal | Liquimetal Torque |
Lich's Mastery | Platinum Angel | Treasure Nabber |
Hidegutsu Consumes All | Vandal Blast | Alpine Guide |
Captive Audience | Deadly Tempest | Wishclaw Talisman |
Leyline Axe | Blasphemous Act | Havoc Festival |
Embercleave | Wild Magic Surge | Dauthi Embrace |
Brass Knuckles | Chaos Warp | Smoke |
Undying Malice | Feed the Swarm | Darkness |
Offer Immortality | Bedevil | Read the Bones |
Kaya's Ghostform | Abrade | Sign in Blood |
Undying Evil | Terminate | Rakdos Charm |
Not Dead Afterall | Hero's Downfall | Night's Whisper |
Supernatural Stamina | ||
Ghost Quarter | Field of Ruin | Volatile Fault |
Contested War Zone | War Room | Bojuka Bog |
Rogue's Passage | Scavenger Grounds | Command Beacon |
Hall of the Bandit Lord | Temple of Malice | Blood Crypt |
Dragonskull Summit | Smoldering Marsh | Command Tower |
Canyon Slough | Swamp x11 | Mountain x8 |
The deck looks like it's going to make me some enemies, in the best way. Blim gets a little extra mileage thanks to Doublestrike. Embercleave is very tricky and I've seen first hand how powerful Leyline Axe can be. Do I expect to start the game with it? No, but if it happens that will be great for me.
Did I make it to 20 ways to lose? Not quite. It's more like a dozen. I could argue 3 more thanks to Commander damage, combat damage, and Blim's own ability but that's more of a stretch than I want to make right now.
Let me know what you think of the deck and how it compares to the new Secret Lair. And as always, don't forget to use my TCG Player and Mana Pool links if you're buying cards or other products. 'Tis the season.
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