Stupid Bonzai
- bonzaientertainmen
- 6 hours ago
- 6 min read
What an idiot.
I had a spark of an idea and started a little discussion about it. That spark grew and I turned that thought into an entire decklist. I thought I was being slick, and had come up with something unique and fit with my Make EDH Weird Again philosophy. It turns out, about 2000 people had the idea before me. I’m here to humble myself before all of you and say I made a mistake.
It all started with a question, one I’ve asked multiple times over the years on my social media profiles; If Orcish Bowmaster could be your commander, would it be a better choice than Nekusar, the Mind Raiser? The same points always come up, mono color vs 3 color, 2 mana vs 5 mana, and red/blue wheels vs no black wheels. That last point stuck with me. Yes, there is a lack of traditional Wheel of Fortune effects in black, but it has plenty of ways to do forced card draw. I always think of Peer into the Abyss in this category. I don’t have to target myself with this spell, I can point it anywhere around the table. With Bowmasters or Nekusar out, that would be game ending in one way or another.
Something different came up in the discussion this time; Sheoldred the Apocalypse. Not as a commander though. I went and started brainstorming the idea. It hurts opponents for drawing cards, which is exactly what I want to do, and it rewards me with some life gain for drawing cards myself. Incidental life gain is generally interesting but not compelling, but when your card draw options often require you to pay life as an additional cost, (I’m looking at you Read the Bones type cards) the extra life is a great insulating effect.
A quick key word search turned up some cards that fit perfectly in the deck. I found Teferi’s Puzzle Box and Dark Deal which have that wheel flavor to them. There was more though. Pact of the Serpent and Damnable Pact are the best in my opinion. They have very high ceilings with the added effect of causing the target to lose an equal amount of life. If I don’t have my Commander out these spells can still finish off an opponent. If My Commander is on the field I don’t need such a high value for X to eliminate an opponent, so I can expand my choice of targets.
I could make this work. Who else is giving their opponents cards, right? This was weird. I went full steam ahead. I knew Memory Jar would be a good fit here. It’s a one time effect but it can just sit on the field threatening opponents. People would constantly be counting cards to know how much danger they were in. Font of Mythos and Howling Mine were easy to add to my growing list. I would prefer to have opponents draw a burst of cards since I don’t know of any Rule of Law style effects in black. I still think opponents would be greedy and avoid removing these cards, so the risk vs reward is still in my favor.
I thought I was running out of haymakers, but I found a surprising one. Eldritch Pact is a 7 mana player removal spell. I don’t even need my Commander on the field to knock the graveyard player out of the game. If you were running some kind of reanimator/graveyard strategy would use graveyard removal on yourself and upend your whole game plan or just get knocked out by Eldritch Pact?
If I only had haymakers I knew the deck wouldn't get very far. I needed redundancy. Specifically, redundancy for my Commander. Underworld Dreams was the first card to come up. Opponents only lose 1 instead of 2 life, but the true strength of this deck will be having multiple similar effects out at once. Fate Unraveller and Scrawling Trawler were easy to add. They’re a little more fragile being creatures, but since I’m in black I can recur them if needed.
There is one sure fire way to double the effect of Sheoldred, the Apocalypse. Just have 2 copies of Sheoldred. That’s super easy with Helm of the Host and it doesn’t cap me at 2 copies either. How long can opponents last against 3 or 4 copies of Sheoldred, the Apocalypse?
My 2 biggest surprises for the damage effect came from the same character. Ob Nixilis the Hate Twisted and Ob Nixilis Reignited both offer something unique. Ob Nixilis, the Hate Twisted does it all. The static ability damages opponents when they draw cards, obviously. The - ability is removal and damage since it lets the creature’s controller draw 2 cards once it’s removed. That card draw immediately turns into damage with the static ability. The War of the Spark uncommon walkers don’t have a way to increase their loyalty counters, so protecting this Planeswalker would be key. Ob Nixilis Reignited requires some set up to get the static damage effect. It's on an emblem so that thing will stick around forever. This one hits an opponent whenever anyone draws cards, so if done right I could knock out 2 opponents at once. Give the emblem to the life gain player.
Speaking of life gain decks there is a great silver bullet for this. His name is Erebos, God of the Dead. Indestructible means I can just play it, forget about it, and it will do its job without me having to think about it. Knight of Dusk’s Shadow and Archfiend of Despair fit the same role but weren’t on my radar at the time.
The last thing I wanted to fill the deck with was Sign in Blood effects. Everyone wants to live the dream and eliminate an opponent by having him draw 2 and lose 2. With all my damage effects that range on life expands way beyond 2 before a player is removed. Foreboding Fruit and Blood Pact are simple variations of this effect. Insatiable Avarice offers a little more flexibility and can help me find one of my haymakers and to take my game plan to the next level. Why wouldn’t I always tutor for Peer into the Abyss?
I knew opponents would have a lot of cards in hand and probably no ability to play them all every turn. I certainly don’t want them to have access to all those spells all the time. That’s a Death Wish. I often ask myself one simple question when I have a thought like that; “How can I profit from this?” I can make opponents discard, or at least profit when they discard to hand size. Syphon Mind is a classic discard spell that offers a big upside on how many cards it lets me draw. Waste Not is perfect here. Depending on what kind of card is discarded will dictate if I get to make tokens, make mana, or draw cards. Aclazotz, Deepest Betrayal also scaled my reward for a discarded card based on the card type The Bat also makes people discard when it attacks.
I burned through 90% of the deck list really quickly. Then I got a comment about “other Sheoldred decks” not having access to a lot of wheels. I quickly checked EDHRec to see what was going on. I usually avoid the site since I don’t want my deck ideas influenced in any way. That’s when the bottom dropped out. 2K+ decks already built around Wheels. The top cards were almost a mirror image. My heart sank. Had I wasted my time? Did I waste some of my creative energy? Was I just becoming derivative?
NO. The deck is still interesting. It still came from that creative passion, so I can’t be unhappy with it. Sheoldred didn’t hit $100 because of Commander. Also, I don’t see people playing discard anymore. I remember the days of Nath of the Gilt-Leaf, we’re not in those days anymore. Take the idea and run with it. Let me know how it plays out for you.
Here’s the list.
Rankl, Master of Pranks | ||
Pendant of Prosperity | Curse of Fool's Wisdom | Atrocious Experiment |
Pain's Reward | Fate Unraveller | |
Otherworld Atlas | ||
Oft Nabbed Goat | Big Game Hunter | Gix, Yawgmoth's Preator |
Monumental Corruption | Murderous Compulsion | Refurbished Familiar |
Grave Consequences | ||
Callous Bloodmage | ||
Horn of Greed | Helm of the Host | Words of Waste |
Concealing Curtains | Charcoal Diamond | |
Coveted Jewel | Monument of Endurance | Jet Medallion |
Virtue of Persistence | Feliwar Stone | |
Foulmire Knight | Star Compass | |
Deadly Cover Up | Murderous Rider | Liquimetal Torque |
Zero Point Ballad | Thought Vessel | |
Heartless Conscription | Withering Torment | |
Friendly Teddy | Feed the Swarm | |
Runed Servitor | Vault Plunderer | Boggart Trawler/Bog |
Seizan, Perverter of Truth | Master of the Feast | Fell the Profane |
Temple Bell | Kaya's Ghostform | |
Geir Reach Sanitarium | Mikokoro, Center of the Sea | Reliquary Tower |
Witch's Cottage | Bojuka Bog | Scavenger Grounds |
Barren Moor | Polluted Mire | Desert of the Glorified |
Cabal Stronghold | Blast Zone | Swamp x24 |
Thanks for reading and all the support to date. I have affiliate links with Mana Pool and TCG Player to help fund these off the wall strategies. It's what makes all this possible,
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